It is what it is.

Is this…? Wait…

Things that are not a hat:

  • Mulch
  • Coffee filters
  • Raspberry jam.  All jam. And hummus.
  • Cloth diapers
  • Dog hair

Things that are a hat:  HATS

Things that are not technically torture:

  • Having syrup wiped off your face/hands/hair
  • Having your diaper changed (seriously?)
  • Not eating cookies for breakfast
  • Laying on your back for ANY reason
  • Having your fingernails cut

Things that are , in fact, torture:  ACTUAL TORTURE

Things that are not fun for mommy but she does because she loves you:

  • Changing your diapers. Particularly your cloth diapers, which require a whole other level of intimacy with poop.
  • Waking up at 5:30 a.m. EVERY SINGLE DAY.
  • Story Time at the library. OH MY GOD SO MANY TODDLERS IN ONE ROOM.
  • Singing the same three songs in the same order every single night for the last 587 days. (Really. I did the math.)
  • The mother-effing cat piano.

Things that are fun for mommy:

  • Daddy.
  • Drinking.
  • You, 94 1/2% of the time.

P.S. Not for nothing, but tampons are not the same as string cheese.  Although I can see how you got confused.


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